If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
