absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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