I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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