We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
