mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
