he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
