So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
