i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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