Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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