you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Randomize
