There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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