ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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