i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
