life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
