Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
