i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
