I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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