apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
