Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
