i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
