Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
