I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
