I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
