Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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