I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
