My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
