someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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