matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
