I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize