Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
