Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
