What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
