its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
