sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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