Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
