Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
