Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
