Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
