The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
