Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
