the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
