Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
