Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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