oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
