Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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