just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
