You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Randomize
