Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
