After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
