if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
