Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
