Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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