Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Come on in and take your pants off
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