Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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