Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
