Small penises have feelings too.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
