I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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