You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
