Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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