I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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