My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's great music for shaving your balls
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
