he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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