Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i permit you to call me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
