just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
