If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
