She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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