im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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