I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
