i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
