I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
