I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize