guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
