better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize