Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
