All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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