Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
