I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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