sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dicks are not precious.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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