I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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