this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
