.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize