the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
