I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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