I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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