I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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