I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
