my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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