i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
