last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
