SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
