when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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