my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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