I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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