this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize