I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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