those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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