the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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