Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
