I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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