If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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