i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
