JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
