There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
