You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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